Diary of an Ethnically Ambiguous Girl

life: Happy birthday, Marilyn. On what would have been Marilyn...

Sat, 01 Jun 2013 16:57:18 -0400

Happy birthday, Marilyn.

On what would have been Marilyn Monroe’s 87th birthday, look back at early photos of Marilyn from the very beginning of her career.

(Ed Clark—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images)

Happy Birthday Marilyn.

The Words in the Mind

Sun, 05 May 2013 21:13:23 -0400

Don’t you wish you had a tape recorder in your head? Or a microchip that would send the thoughts you wanted to your computer or other electronic device which you could then access and keep documentation of? I constantly write poetry in my head and I very much forget the words and the rhythm, sometimes the whole thing just slips away from me, which is tragic. Knowing you created an illustration of your thoughts using words of emotions and colors and places only to rationally know it’s had been lost to the dark recesses of your mind, probably the words unstuck together due to the interrupting of other passing thoughts and ideas, never to be puzzled back together in the original format from whence they came. But perhaps because it’s ink came from a dark patch of the soul and was penned in the ever changing mind, it was not meant to come to light, to leave the realm of the intangible and be translated to a reality in which it is exposed, open for all to see and witness and read and judge. Perhaps it was meant to be created and then disappear.

Who knows?

For now I am left bereft, unsure of how to feel.

Just aching to touch the words again.

Or wanting to revel in letting them go.

Who knows?

Photo

Sun, 05 May 2013 21:13:00 -0400

Production photo from today’s shoot!

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 00:14:30 -0400

Production photo from today’s shoot!

Beyond The Dresses: How to Help: The Boston Marathon Tragedy

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 23:12:35 -0400

Beyond The Dresses: How to Help: The Boston Marathon Tragedy:

wikihow:

wikiHow’s hearts and prayers are with Boston, and with the families of those injured at the Boston Marathon. Please share and reblog this posting to get as much information out there as possible.

Immediate Help in Boston:

Help families locate their loved ones with the Red…

On the set of “Are You Sick”

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 00:19:02 -0400

On the set of “Are You Sick”

My boyfriend sent me flowers because I was having a difficult...

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 14:41:22 -0400

My boyfriend sent me flowers because I was having a difficult week.

"When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action..."

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 16:07:27 -0400

““When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.””

- Confucius

Stuck

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 16:05:25 -0400

That urge to write and put down all your thoughts and feelings on paper but for some reason you’re blocked. And at the same time you’re blocked in real life. Mentally blocked. Can’t make any decisions. Just one thought after another passing through your mind, circling around your brain, pulling you this way and that. And all you want to do is breathe. But you can’t really breathe either because you try to tune the world out to process, and you go numb. Like the pause button is pressed and then you can’t even think about what you should be and making a decision.

Photo

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 00:25:47 -0400

Photo

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 01:56:52 -0400

Flowers from the bf. :)

Sat, 16 Mar 2013 21:52:06 -0400

Flowers from the bf. :)

Homemade guacamole. Super Bowl Sunday!

Sun, 03 Feb 2013 17:38:35 -0500

Homemade guacamole. Super Bowl Sunday!

fuckyeahemperorzurg: Those fleeting views, at just the right...

Tue, 29 Jan 2013 15:53:17 -0500

fuckyeahemperorzurg:

Those fleeting views, at just the right angle, that remind you how beautiful the campus is 😍 (at Cubberley Café)

1.20.2013

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 23:24:00 -0500

My heart is shattered
In my chest
My body sore
From emotional mess;
The tears that flow
From mine eyes,
Caused by cuts
That burn inside;
My heart wildly sobs
Veins pulsate and throb,
My Mind moans deeply
Memories repeating,
My body violently seizes
I fall to my knees,
I cannot conceive
A way to be free;
A moment in time
Beauty together
Etched in my bones
Always forever;
To be alone
A cruel sentence
I need your light
For repentance;
But apart we are
No definition in stone
Your arms no longer
A place I call home;
But I cannot say
I would erase you from mind
Because despite the pain
My heart felt alive;
So you may be gone
From me, my dear
But the fire still burns
With no fear.

NOTES FROM A UNICORN

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 20:54:40 -0500

NOTES FROM A UNICORN:

Fantastic column. An experience I definitely find relatable.

Photo

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 21:10:59 -0500

One day I’ll be a member and have a movie premerie party...

Fri, 04 Jan 2013 16:30:25 -0500

One day I’ll be a member and have a movie premerie party here…Club 33 in Disneyland.

Default face while waiting for Christmas dinner.

Tue, 25 Dec 2012 19:34:35 -0500

Default face while waiting for Christmas dinner.

Christmas Eve: A Tradition

Tue, 25 Dec 2012 12:26:46 -0500

Growing up, I often puzzled over the difference between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. My Mother’s family would celebrate on Christmas Eve, while my Father’s family celebrated on Christmas Day. And from what I could tell, the majority of my friends that did celebrate Christmas also held festivities on Christmas Day rather than Christmas Eve. I recall asking my Mom once why we opened presents on Christmas Eve whereas most others exchanged gifts Christmas Morning and feasted later that day. Her response was this: it was Oma’s tradition. This was how my Grandmother had celebrated Christmas growing up and living in Germany before she immigrated to the USA.

My Oma passed away in November of 2006, but we have continued this tradition of coming together, dining, and exchanging gifts on Christmas Eve. Granted, my family isn’t exactly religious. My Uncle, Father, Cousin, and Grandfather are all atheist, whereas my Mother, Aunt, and I are spiritual (I’m not going to comment on the gender divide here). So for all intents and purposes, celebrating Christmas could be dropped as there is a lack of religious obligation.

However, the celebration of Christmas Eve has become a family tradition, with an atmosphere blanketed by familial intimacy while simultaneously honoring the memory of my Oma. She created the foundation of this family, a single mother working two to three jobs to support herself and her twin daughters while suffering through an unhealthy marriage. Later, she divorced and met my Grandfather, but it is her strong spirit and unwavering commitment to family that we honor each Christmas Eve. And it is from these foundations that we have reinforced our familial bonds. For this exact reason do I consider my Aunt and Uncle to be my second parents. That I consider my cousin to be my brother. That my Grandfather is my Grandfather regardless of blood.

I look forward to Christmas Eve each year not because of the presents and the food (although those are definitely perks). I look forward to Christmas Eve because I am excited to see my family look excited when I give the perfect gift. I am excited to similarly thank my relatives for their gifts because they have a mutual desire to contribute to my happiness. I am excited to help cook dinner and relieve my parents of the stress of doing it themselves. I am excited to poke fun at others and be poked at. I am excited for the toast at the beginning of dinner to family.

In short, I look forward to the reciprocation of love, compassion, and generosity among and between my family.

Because that is what my Christmas Eve is. A tradition about family.